When it’s hard to feel good about ourselves 

Low self-esteem can show itself in many ways. Perhaps you, or someone you know, often voices self-criticism, and self-doubt. Perhaps it’s hard for you to accept praise or compliments, and you can’t even believe they can be genuine. Perhaps you tend to blame yourself if things go wrong. Maybe you find it hard to ask for help or for favours – even for the normal support anyone else might expect from friends or close family.

Low self-esteem shows up in thoughts, in feelings, in behaviours and sometimes in physical ways, like low energy levels or feelings of tension in different parts of the body. It begins with your beliefs about yourself, and about the sort of person you are. You may think these beliefs are true – you may never even have consciously figured them out, and you just assume them to be facts, rather than opinions.

Low self-esteem may start early

Such beliefs usually come from early experiences and messages you may have absorbed from others about what you are like, what you are capable of, how worthy you are of love, care and concern. They may be reinforced by other messages and by other experiences as time goes on, and you may see these later experiences as confirming your already-strong negative views about yourself.

These negative opinions lie at the heart of low self-esteem and they can have a powerful impact on how you behave, on your relationships and on your work and leisure time. It can also be a contributing factor to a number of emotional and psychological difficulties.

Low self-esteem may be a symptom of your current emotional and psychological state rather than something you can clearly trace back to childhood. For instance, people who are depressed are likely to have a low opinion of themselves. If you have long-standing anxiety, with attendant difficulties like panic attacks, and with your life restricted as a result, then low self-esteem can develop alongside stress and a lack of confidence. In these cases, low self-esteem emerges from these conditions, rather than contributing to them directly.

Spectrum of effect

Not all people with low self-esteem experience the same degree of intensity. You might occasionally recognise moments of apprehension and lack of confidence, perhaps when faced with a particularly stressful situation, but it would only rarely stop you doing something you wanted to do. You would regard these situations as problems or challenges to be overcome, rather than beyond you because of something be wrong with you.

On the other hand, you might be at the further end of the spectrum with self-criticism and lack of confidence affecting your ability to do your job, to enjoy your free time, or make the most of relationships. You regard these feelings and limitations not as problems, but as part of who you are.

Most people have some feelings of low self-esteem, but they’re not at the far ends of the spectrum, but somewhere in the middle of it.

A confident sense of self

Knowing yourself, accepting without judging or without comparing yourself unfavourably with others all the time, plus reaching an understanding of where your self-view comes from in the first place, can make an important difference, and therapy can certainly help with this.

Image credit: Pam Jennings